I pray to be more like my four year old...

God is challenging me every day more and more to become more of His servant and to teach my children how to serve. I want to live my life with others looking in on my life knowing that I live my life knowing this has NOTHING to do with me and has EVERYTHING to do with My Lord and Savior! I want both of our children to understand that they do not know hard times and they are beyond blessed! I want them to wake up every morning and know that the world we live in is unfortunately not blessed only with beautiful things. In this world millions of people face things that you and I only simply see on the news or in a movie.

Sometimes I pray to be more like my son…yes, I pray to be more like my four year old little boy! That may sound completely crazy to you but the way my brown eyed boy sees the world blows me away sometimes! He loves with no conditions at all and sees everyone as wonderful! I am jealous sometimes that I often judge someones actions or even their circumstances and all Logan sees is a friend! I know that every parent believes their children will become something great one day and I truly believe that Logan will change this world! When we feed the homeless he doesn’t care how hot it is outside or how far we are walking he just cares about when we will find the next person to give food to. He doesn’t care about the toys he is putting in the garbage bag for a needy child hes just happy that another boy or girl will get to play with it like he did. He truly amazes me sometimes and I wish the whole world had faith and trust in our Lord like he does!

We do so many things as parents when we say things out of frustration or even do things and we don’t really stop to realize that our children are always watching us and wanting to be just like us! It scares me that God has chosen Mike and I as Logan and Maddie’s parents to raise them and we ultimately will shape who they become by the examples that we set in front of them. I often complain about the food that we have in our pantry because it isn't what I want to eat yet I have no idea what it is like to worry if my family will even eat for a day, a week, a month, even a year...I am reminded to count my blessings! I often complained about my job or even having to work at all yet I have no idea what it is like to beg someone for work or search countless days and nights for a job to support my family....again I am reminded to count my blessings! I often complain about the countless doctor's appts, medicines, etc that Logan is on for his asthma yet I have no idea what it is like to sit and watch my child fight for his or her life....again I am reminded to count my blessings! God has challenged me in so many ways not only to talk to my kids about giving to others but teaching them first hand. Why not let your child wait an hour or two before eating their dinner so they can have a small glimpse of what some children face daily? I want my children to feel the goodness of making food for the less fortunate and handing it out to them to see their faces light up bc they are simply getting something that we take for granted every single day! I want to show them that Christian love is giving to others and treating people the way you would want to be treated if you were in the same situation. And that it is doing so especially if they cannot pay you back!! Christian love is simply respect for others...God's love is unconditional and unselfish so that is what we should strive for! So tonight I will pray again to be more life my four year old...

Motherly reaction or I am just crazy?!?!

My kids have both had an amazing day today so not much to blog about there but something happened on a play date today that has me wondering if it was a normal motherly reaction or if I am just crazy, lol?!?

We always go to Chick Fil A with one of our friends and her little boy for play dates and the mom and I will sit at the table where we can see in the play place. I was holding Maddie in my arms sitting down when I glanced into the play place only to see my friends little boys face being pushed hard into a beam type thing in there. I immediately jumped out of my chair and ran into the play place all the while yelling at the two little boys that were doing it to him to "leave their hands to themselves." This may not sound so crazy to some but literally I yelled so loud at these children that all of Chick Fil A got quiet and all eyes on me! The result of those two little boys hurting the boy we were with was he had a bleeding busted lip (and might I add the parents did nothing to these boys but stare at me in disbelief for telling their children to keep their hands to themselves). The "I hate confrontation" Jamie thinks I was totally out of line but the mommy Jamie would do it again in a heartbeat!

So, what do you guys think? Was I right in how I reacted or am I just plain crazy LOL

Loving my kids...

I decided for the new year that I am going to start blogging on a regular basis because I often sit back and think "you are going to miss this someday." If I blog about my days, even the worst ones I have, I can look back on them and laugh (maybe)!

I feel like so often I do not say certain things because I am scared of people thinking that I am not a good mom! I have decided though I have to let that all go and realize that no one is perfect especially not me! I hope that with this blog moms can laugh with me, sometimes cry with me, and sometimes be thankful you are not me haha but in all honesty I just want all moms to remember that we are in this together!

Now on to my day...Logan went back to school today and honestly I don't really realize how just 3 hours at school makes such a difference! I had to run errands so Mike kept Maddie and was supposed to pick Logan up from school. He gets out at noon and I got a text from Mike around 11:58 saying he totally forgot and didn't know how long it would take bc he had to get Maddie ready to leave (here is where I thank God that Logan goes to my moms school). My in laws came over for dinner and to hang out which was a nice break. Logan heard one of his friends use the word "sexy" and "hot" so his new thing is to tell me every ten minutes "mommy you are sexy" which I then reply telling him that its not appropriate at all to say that to his mom and he says "okay mommy you are hot"

The last hour consisted of Maddie bug screaming and Logan trying to fart on me while I repeatedly told him to stop...now they are both sleeping and at quiet moments like this when any sane person would be so thankful they are sleeping I want to wake them up...or maybe just cuddle!!! The thing that I love the most though is that no matter how my day goes or how the day ends it always brings the biggest smile to my face when I see both of their faces in the morning!!! They are so lucky they are cute :)

Honesty is the best policy, right??

Why are we as moms so judgemental? I ask this question but I am just as guilty. I feel like once we birth our kids we feel this strong desire to think that we have it all figured out. That we are doing it the right way while everyone else is confused. I think this is sad but funny at the same time. I do believe that 98% of us really do mean well but the other 2% are just mean! I love when I see a pregnant girl because I just want to start talking to her about delivery and very intimate moments like I have known her all my life (clearly if you are a mom you know that all modesty goes out the window after you have your legs in the air with people coming in and out of that room so why would she look at me funny?) I know deep down though that poor girl needs to cherish her last few moments before she has her children...before she loses herself!

Don't get me wrong...I love being a mom but I cannot remember the last time I did something for me! But that is the point of motherhood, right? To give all of ourselves to our children so they can become the best they can be! I am just going to be completely honest in this blog. When I had Logan and even the three years into his life he was a true Angel sent from God (if you have never met my son and you are rolling your eyes thinking I am lying you can ask any of my friends and they will tell you how much they hated me these three years).

I would have friends say to me "oh my my child will not sleep through the night" which I would reply "that must be awful" while I was really thinking "wow Logan has slept through the night for a while now". Or I would be with a friend and witness their child having a complete meltdown and the whole time I was embarrassed for her and wondered what exactly was going on and thanking God my child didnt act like that.

Now fast forward to Maddie bug being born and Logan turning 4! Oh my how life is completely different! I am learning that sometimes it doesnt even matter what I do or dont do my kids just are not happy! I never thought that I would be the mom that people stare at in public in disbelief and probably running to their OB to get on birth control! I have walked through stores holding a screaming baby, pushing a cart, and trying to wrangle Logan all at once....I have played tug of war (kind of lol) with my 4 year old in the Walmart toy section.

Being a mom is tough theres no denying that so lets all remember we are in this together...

My typical day now...

From the minute that we wake up in the morning I am constantly asking Logan not to try his new wrestling moves on his 7 month old sister, not to put her in headlocks, or something I say all too often "you are going to break her arms." This is normal, right?

Yesterday I needed to return a few things so we were going to Lakeside Village...it usually takes me about 45 minutes to get out of the house now between Maddie crying bc she hates her seat or Logan whining bc he all of a sudden forgot how to put on his clothes or his shoes by himself. I finally got both the kids in the car with no crying and realized I forgot my sunglasses...I ran inside and grabbed them by the front door and was literally gone a second. I came back to Logan standing in between the Jeep and the police car with his pants around his ankles peeing in our driveway. He looked at me with the straightest face and said "what I had to pee really bad." All kids are back in the car and we are on our way...this can only get better, right?

We get to NY and Company where for the most part Logan is well behaved and doing what I ask of him but then we go to try on clothes....The minute that I take off my pants to try on other pants he is loudly saying "why are you in your panties" and "I can see your vagina mom." So, I hurry up grab things without trying them on and head for the checkout. I am completely insane that I thought things would get better so I decide to bring Logan and Maddie to books a million. Logan had to go to the restroom so we went but as I am using the bathroom someone came over the loud speaker paging a girl named Amy to the front desk. Of course to Logan this sounds like Jamie so he opens the door (while I am using the bathroom) sticks his head out and yells shes going pee. I still didnt leave...lol!

We went over to the kids section and I let Logan play for a little bit and look at books but Maddie got really fussy and wouldnt stop crying. I told Logan that it was time to leave and to my surprise he was fine with that (after asking three times for a handful of books and me saying no). As we are walking out of the store Logan says "arent you going to pay for those five books" and points under the stroller....I could feel my face getting hot and I was honestly about to cry. I simply explained to Logan that would be stealing and we could get arrested for that where his reply was "they wont arrest me my daddy is a cop." So, now I am worried that my son is going to grow up a menace to society thinking he is untouchable bc his daddy is a police officer....I know this is a far stretch but this is seriously my "normal" now and I cannot believe I still want more kids lol! This is normal though, right? Do all kids act this way or just mine?!?!?!

One of the hardest things...

As I think about the funeral of Officer Crispin I get so overwelmed with so many feelings! I realize that one of the hardest things I will ever be in this life is an officers wife! I will cry for a fallen officer and witness one of the saddest things you can ever witness as his family and fellow brothers in blue say goodbye! The hardest part as a wife is to think "that could have been my husband" and even harder is to watch our husbands so visibly shaken by having the exact same thought!

I am not this strong...

As I sit and think about the last few days and how so many lives have been turned upside down I cannot help but wonder why and truly be angry about it all! I think about how these officers have no laws to really protect them and how they have shed many tears these last few days. I think about how this could have easily have been my own husband and how my children especially my son would suffer much more pain losing their hero than even losing me. I am scared that my children will grow up without a father bc of a senseless act that never has to happen. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that we will honestly pay more to keep this killer behind bars then we will pay to lay Officer Crispin to rest.

I have truly been shaken to the core by an Officers death that hits way too close to home and I am mad. I am mad that my faith is shaken and that at the end of the day I have no choice but to put my smile back on my face and be my officers supportive wife. I am wondering how I can truly go on and handle death after death and kiss my husband goodbye everynight and pray that the next one isnt him. I am not this strong and I am angry! I pray that God can forgive my anger and understand it. It is insane to me that the same man I love with all of my heart...the father to my children goes out to protect you while I beg for you to protect him! All of them! I am sorry I am just so mad...